Anyone and everyone that knows me personally knows that I am obsessed with music, to almost OCD levels. It becomes particularly bad during the prep and writing stages of National Novel Writing Month, because I am that kind of guy who likes to have a soundtrack for his novel. It usually starts with a long list of potential tracks and over the course of the month gets whittled down to something that would fit on one or two CDs as a soundtrack compilation.
This year, the list started at 716 songs. I currently have it down to 298 songs. Still a long way to go…
Pearl got her customary drink and made her way over to her table. She sat down, draping her purse over her chair like she usually did. “Already a line up,” she remarked before looking up to see Josh sitting in front of her. “Didn’t you see me last week?” She asked.
“And didn’t I help you then?”
“You did… mostly.”
“You know I’m not technically a therapist, right?”
Pearl sighed. She had a feeling this guy was going to be one of the rare ones that just kept coming back because it was easier that shelling out a hundred and fifty bucks an hour to lay out on some over priced psychiatrists faux leather couch. “Right, then… Josh, right?”
“You remember that?” Josh asked with surprise.
“No, your ID is sticking out of your wallet a little there,” she said gesturing to Josh’s brown leather wallet placed in front of him. “I can see a J, an O and an S… it was just a lucky guess.”
“Oh,” Josh replied with a slightly embarrassed look on his face.
“Don’t worry about it sweetie… so what is it this week?
“Well, there was this guy last week…” Josh began, before pausing for a moment.
“Most stories begin that way around here, it’s gay night after all. It’s the second sentence of the story that I’m more interested in,” Pearl pointed out. “That’s usually the one that tells me where our conversation is going to end up.”
“Well, we were at a bar, and there was this guy,” Josh repeated. “I approached him and we started talking.”
“This sounds promising.”
“And then he asked if I wanted to give him a blowjob.”
Pearl leaned in, anticipating the next sentence as though the story being told to her was a suspense novel. “I told him I wasn’t,” Josh concluded.
Pearl sat back in her seat. “Not exactly the ending I was looking for,” she remarked.
“My life isn’t a porno,” Josh replied defensively.
“Maybe it should be.” Pearl could tell that Josh was taken aback by her words. “Listen, Josh, honey… you’re nineteen. Most boys your age, gay, straight, whatever, have already stuck it in as many moist holes as they could at this point, and yet you’re holding back. If it’s not for religious purposes, than what is it? You’ve got to get over it.”
“So if I have standards I suddenly have to get over them?” Josh protested.
Pearl considered that for a moment. “Yes.” She could tell that Josh had gone from looking upset to looking downright pissed off. “Listen, honey, you’re saying on the one hand that you want to get laid, but on the other hand you’re letting your standards run your life. I’m not saying you should’ve blown the guy last night, because he does sound like he was a pig. But what I am saying is that you need to find a balance between standards and expectations. That is where your true struggle lies.”
“So what should I do then?” Josh asked.
“Just get yourself out there!” Pearl said. “It sounds like to me that you’re spending so much time trying to figure things out, that you’re not getting yourself out there! Meet people, let them get to know you, and then, if the physical attraction is there, let them in…. literally, in that case.”
Pearl watched as Josh’s shoulders sagged slightly. “I know it’s not easy,” she added. “I’m a pretty private person, myself. Josh, if you don’t want to be alone, don’t isolate yourself. Now, you know the drill,” she said gesturing to her drink. “Can I expect you same time next week?” She further inquired as Josh slipped the required money underneath her glass. That elicited a smile from Josh. “Go out. Have fun,” she urged as Josh slid out of the chair.
“Thank you,” he said, before walking away.
“Next?” Pearl said simply, as though she were holding court. A jockish looking guy sat down in front of her. “Not often I get hand-delivered a fine speciman such yourself,” she remarked as he settled into his seat. “What can old Pearl do for you?”
“I have this problem with my boyfriend,” he said.
“You have a boyfriend?”
“I would’ve pegged you for being heterosexual”
The jock smiled. “I get that a lot.”
Pearl laughed. “Well, honey this just proves the existence of god, if he put a gay man into that body. But enough about my religious beliefs, what’s going on with you boo?”
“It’s my boyfriend. We’ve been together for about six months now. Everything is good, but there’s one lingering issue…” The jock looked on either side of himself to make sure no one could overhear what he was about to say. To ensure he was not heard he leaned in a little closer to Pearl. “I really want to bottom for him, but he insists that I should be the top in the relationship.”
Pearl nearly burst out laughing, but managed to contain herself. “I’m sorry… the jock is a big nelly bottom?” She said in a voice just low enough that only he could hear her. “Jesus, take the wheel!”
The jock blushed in response. “He’s just a really great guy, and he’s… well, he’s got a really nice big dick. All I can think about is him putting it in me, but every time I asks, he brushes me off on that point, saying that I should be the dominant one.”
“How does he identify himself, honey?” Pearl asked, trying to regain her composure and provide the best advice that she could to the client in front of her.
“When we first started dating he said he was verse, but he’s not once been a top in our relationship.”
“Is this a dealbreaker for you?”
“I’m not sure,” the jock replied. “I mean, it’s something that I really want… maybe even need from him, and I feel like I’m not getting it.”
“Then you need to tell him that,” Pearl urged. “A relationship is about getting what you need and want from the other person. If you need that big dick of his to plow you three ways to Sunday, then you need to tell him that’s what you need. Do you love him?”
“…. Yeah, I guess so.”
“Does he love you?”
“I think he does… I’m not really sure, we haven’t really talked about that, yet,” the jock admitted.
“It sounds to me like you guys need to work on more than just the sexual roles in your relationship, you need to talk about your communication roles as well. Tell him how you feel. Tell him what you want out of the relationship. You can still be that strapping guy for him, even if you do get in touch with your emotions. And then tell you want that big dick of his up your butt!”
The jock laughed nervously. “Honestly, that sounds like sound advice to me… thank you,”
Pearl smiled. “Money goes under the glass, you and you come back with a question anytime,” she said. It was now the jock’s turn to smile as he slid his payment under her glass.